This is one in a series of posts in which
Trish attempts to dissect the purpose and meaning of dreaming; of
looking beyond what is to what if~
Working my way towards the answer myself....and here's part III-dream, finale, I put on paper before me~
Back to my original post, my intent from the start of this search and query.
I'm risking.
I'm tossing my dreams out there.
Not to get responses. Not to hear the naysayers-neither the
encouragers.
I'm dreaming in pen and ink so I can see it
so I can live it
And so I can be it.
I'm tossing my dreams out there.
out here.
'I have become a sign to many; you are my strong refuge. My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long. psalm 71:7-8
I want to be a sign to many.
I don't know what that looks like.
I don't know what it even means.
I just know it gives me goosebumps when I say it.
my heart rate increases when I let my spirit feel it.
my mind goes numb when I try to wrap myself around it.
And that's enough for now.
Three big dreams.
Three Big Dreams.
They are out there.
They are out here.
In black and white.
Words on paper.
I've said them aloud.
I've written them aloud.
I've risked their exposure.
Risk
succeed or fail.
doesn't matter.
Only matters that I dream.
And live into it~
This is one in a series of posts in which Trish
attempts to dissect the purpose and meaning of dreaming; of looking
beyond what is to what if~ Working my way towards the answer myself....
'The master of the art of living makes little distinction between work and play, labor and leisure, mind and body, information and recreation, love and religion. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him, he's always doing both.'
James Michener
My work is play, and my play is life.
I am blessed.
And yet~
I want more.
I am dreaming-to.
I have a dream-to.
Bigger. Bolder. More.
And it is good.
It is right.
It is prescribed.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on great heights. Habakkuk 3:19
It is all good.
Dream. See how big you are really designed to be.
in love. trish
This is one in a series of posts in which Trish
attempts to dissect the purpose and meaning of dreaming; of looking
beyond what is to what if~ Working my way towards the answer myself....
Why do I need to leave when all I need is around me?
It plays around the corners of my mind lately; relentlessly pursuing my consciousness; determinately seeking to be answered.
It is the monkey-brain, the devil-player, the negative-nilly. I do not listen, as much as hear and respond~
Why do I need to leave when all I need is around me?!
It taunts like a broken record, replaying when I am tired, when I am discouraged, when I am weak from loneliness or travel demands.
Why do I need to leave when all I need is around me?! I turn it on its tail to run~ Because all that is around me will come with me. Will be with me. Will grow with me.
I am not leaving all that I need; I am growing all that I have. in love. trish.
I burn. I can't help myself; there's beauty and joy in it. What do you do that's just outside the box you live in?
in love. trish. If you would like to take your encaustic to the burn, join me in San Antonio for the IEA EncaustiCon in September or let me know you'd be interested in more for my 2013 workshop series.
Did you know your greatest adversary, your giant of confusion, difficulty, testing, is also a giant of blessing, grace and miracle?
It's true.
I have proof once again~
Just as in my post Orlando Magic!, God has come in with a small, precious miracle once again.
Blowing me away mind you! Is His grace to always be in the small for me?
If this is so, let it flow!
(Once again forgive me all you sports fans for purposefully titling this post with the Superbowl favorite; Go Giants! Yes, I am a fan....but it was too perfect to pass up!)
I recently heard that the word for giants in the bible, is in some cases translated 'great'.
As is the case of Goliath whom David conquers~
Great.
Not something we usually think of when imagining giants.
Let your mind loose for a moment and humor me for a moment....
Imagine if you will traveling across the country, checked bags stuffed full to the 50 pound max, carry-on bursting with last minute 'must have's' and personal suitcase not full of clothing and toiletries as much as more supplies with which to capture the workshop participants full conversion to the amazing medium of encaustic...
here in you have me!
Loaded down with all the goods to inspire~
Now imagine this same loaded down traveler, coming directly from the aforementioned Orlando Magic! debacle-turned-blessing,
arriving at the next destination,
only to realize the much needed, can't pull this off without it, main material for teaching had inadvertently been substituted with a worthless counterfeit!
How dare the universe continue to challenge and mess with my determined goal to inspire!
How dare.....
My giant?
A mis-shipped box of supplies.
In Orlando, an untraveled supply case.
Way back in time-my first encaustic workshop ever-an ill wired electrical circuit and many blown fuses...(note I teach with 'stations' now!? At the time a giant I thought had me beat, but by determinately fighting against, look at me now!?)
Why, or rather, How? you ask...
Standing against each one, each giant, just at my right hand, always going before me~
My God.
No longer deniable.
Incapable of being written off as coincidence.
Beyond accepting as my own certain efforts.
My God.
Small miracles.
In my travel-weary haze my mind raced over the options available; tucked away in the small mountain community of Saluda, NC at the delightful Random Arts just hours away from the starting gun for a six day immersion between here and Asheville, how was I to find this much needed supply?!
All panic aside,
all past performance squelched (yes, I've been known to perform a good panic...),
I did the obvious and made a few phone calls.
Then I did the necessary;
prayed.
trusted.
determinately believed my God was WAY greater than this little ol' giant~!
and went to bed :)
Guess what? (Need I say it?!)
It worked. It works. He works!
Saving you the nail-biting details of the hours between determined decision and miracle performed, let it be known that 11 wonderful women got full-on waxy on Thursday February 2nd in Saluda!
And 11 more will do the same today.
And 15 more will do so, twice over, in Asheville for the next four days....
God did more than perform a miracle to swell my heart with gratitude,
or once again firmly establish me in the blessings of determination of trust,
and obviously save my hiney!
He also extended this blessing to each and every participant for this six day tour~
as well as, I hope, everyone finding their way to this post.
It was with bold confidence I told my God I would tell all who would hear me of His great grace in my life through this small miracle.
So I tell.
And swell.
With blessed trust~
And a quick nod to the UPS driver :)
So I say bring on the giants. They may look like unconquerable beasts, but I will forever think of them as 'great'-
great blessings~
I don't care how boystrous and immovable you make yourself out to be; my God will always stand taller, bolder and more determinately at my right hand than any puny giant any day~
in love. trish
(thank you Marianne for singing this song while painting :)
Lord forgive me for doubting that you can and will always make all things good....
God forgive me for once again falling into cynicism; you still again bless me exeedingly and abundantly despite my short-sightedness.....
Jesus forgive me for striving to 'do', over and over again, when you took care of this and have allowed me to just 'be'.....
Holy Spirit forgive me for letting negativity live in my heart, thereby marring the lovely place in which you live and limiting the blessings you never cease to pour into my life.....
Ah....that's better!
in love. trish.
:)
I eat simply. I find myself apologizing for it sometimes, and John and the boys 'making fun' of me for it occasionally :)
When I dump a can of black beans into a bowl, dice tomato and avocado atop and dig in, it's hard to resist a good jab, I know!
I paint simply. My work has evolved to a place of earthtone browns, black and white with little 'stuff' added at all.
The clean impact of burn, it's blush, and the white surface with subtle tint from PanPastel is all I need right now.
Looking at these two 'ways' of me while walking this morning gave me a bit of a revelation-
I also believe simply. Everything I do, every breath, step, stroke and work, is to the glory of God.
That's it.
That clean.
I read that if you are aligned with God, walking in his will, that this alignment 'guarantees' me assuredly of this simple conviction.
It's that simple.
It's that clean.
I've cleaned up my life~
Body (food), mind (work practice) and spirit (walk with God).
Cool huh?! :) (delicious giggling ensues <3)
in love. trish
shoot-golly, I've even cleaned up my blogging! This is my shortest diatribe to date!!!! :)
Straight up; one after the other, after the other, after the other: Steps seemingly unending and unsecured as my muscles begin to complain and my mind begins to taunt me-daring me to just quit. A white-knuckling, adrenaline flying, muscle-shaking shimmy over the top rung onto the precariously perched platform puts me at a place I've never been before. Do not look back. Do not even peek. Straight forward. Resolute vision. Focus. Purposeful, single minded, determined focus.
Breathe.
For just a moment. Breathe. Feel stillness peace resolution that comes at this point in the climb.
See that 'something' that's been playing teasing taunting at each step. The something of utter, undeniable fear skittering and skiping back and forth from mind, to gut; from heart to head.
Now to something bigger, stronger, more trustworthy humming. with just enough volume to dispel the skittering, noisome nuisance. Gentle peaceful and solid. Faithful, trustworthy and honest. It has power-which brings me from prostrate on the platform to up on my knees; hope which prompts me to pull my feet up under these bowed knees and slowly, assuredly, stand. Trustworthiness to ever so cautiously, yet with great anticipation, step forward. And forward again. And once more again. Confidence rising. Excitement increasing. Faith cementing.
a woman stood on the block; a slave for sale once again. This was her third time standing on this platform. Her third time absorbing the penetrating stares of the men determining if she was fit for their use; their bid. Having withstood two masters who'd decimated her will, her trust, her faith in humanity through rape, abuse and misuse, she stood before them in utter defeat and loss. As the final gavel fell on her purchase, she listlessly followed the tall white man through the crowd to the exit. Once outside he turned to her: 'You are free.' Too stunned to react, she stared in perplexed disbelief. Once again he said: 'You are free. Go where you'd like. Do what you want. Say what you feel. You are free.' Coming out of her stupor she asks, 'free? to go anywhere I choose?' 'Yes, anywhere you choose,' he replied. 'Then I choose to go with you.' On this day, the woman chose to live the rest of her life as a servant of Abraham Lincoln. choose the master who sets you free.
I'm learning to ask for help-slowly turning to one who cares about me and asking for assistance when I need it. Man! It's hard!!! I've grown so independent-so self reliant over the last two decades that I'm no longer sure of how to ask for, let alone accept, help. But I'm working on it! The benefits are abounding and I know the ability to accept care will multiply my well being, sense of self and internal peace. It will alleviate stress, reduce anxiety and grow appreciation. All benefits as I see it! It's been so difficult in the past-deciding that it was just easier to do it all myself instead of having to deal with what I ran up against as the alternative. Coming back to a way of life and living that includes accepting care is more difficult than any other step to wholeness I've walked. It's hard to let go of this kind of control! There's just something about releasing the hold I've had on myself that has been tremendously frightening and somewhat debilitating. I really have never learned the art of receiving: Shoot, I've never had a 'real' massage, have felt terribly guilty the few times I've had a manicure and didn't even do the 'salon indulgence' for my own wedding! Why is it so hard to receive graciously!? Duly note-I would've been paying all of these 'receipts' at that! Maybe because for so many years it wasn't 'receiving' it was 'taking' and it always cost me something. My heart is rooted in giving and caring; but these tendencies were mixed up until confusion and doubt ran rough shot over my own natural instincts. I learned to doubt myself and yet build a shell of protection as well. Accepting assistance or care became a hazard instead of a helpmate and the blessing it should be. But people can learn and grow and heal. We are amazing creatures. Without vindication, tit for tat expectations, placing blame or pointing fingers we can choose to strengthen and grow into healthful living. So I chose. And now I'm trying to adapt to this choice! I'm trying to move further into this concept of asking and receiving. To reap the benefits of having someone care for me. To trust in another being to not trod on my heart :) To throw some more caution to the wind and believe that I wont have to pick myself up because there's going to always be someone to offer a loving hand. Unconditional generosity exists: It's come to me for years from my dad. Now it is time to trust in it from someone who doesn't love me based on the fact of birth :) I'm throwing off old notions of independence and freedom and embracing the true freedom in caring and sharing with someone else. This means believing in what's in front of me instead of bracing myself for the moment it starts to taste like flavors of the past. Letting someone care for me and help me means releasing a lifelong hold and embracing trust in someone else. And in this I am discovering unbound freedom and joy. Imagine that....in love. trish.
'Opening the heart is like inviting someone in for tea and secretly hoping they don't break anything :)'
on my sleeve. Right out there, exposed to the world; received, rejected, accepted or stomped upon. I wear my heart on my sleeve-in confidence, with humility, in honesty and with trust. Believing in the best, trusting in the truth and standing tall in faith-knowing this is the only honest and real way to connect with the world, my life and to truth. always! woohoo ;) in love. trish
