Today I felt the pain again. I struggle with it because I fear it means I am weak. I fear it means I am becoming less myself and sucumming to the ways of fear that tied me in the past. I know better!-yet, it is still there. I struggle to understand this infliction of pain on my new sense of self. I realize that progress and growth come in fits and starts sometimes. One has to pull back to self and look at what's worked and how to move again.
So, I let myself move slowly. I put aside expectation of what I think I should be doing and feeling and being. I step with surety and gauge my movements before leaping. I still leap mind you, but with this growth and new sense of self comes the ability to listen and see the sense in each leaping before I begin the run for the ledge! And I get there more swiftly. I get there with more strength. I get there through shrinking external struggle. I recognize that the struggle that may be there is entirely self imposed. That my fear rests purely in lack of trust in myself and my path.
In this recognition I begin to shrug off the bits of fear still lingering on my wings. I loosen the grip of the last vestiges of angst and test my wing span for flight. I ignore the potential for picking up new fears in flight and let the wind catch me. Leaping in confidence born of release and faith. Faith, hope and a handful of grace. Sometimes it's all I've got. And all I need. 200 feet and one day at a time. in love. trish.