i remember

diving from the closet onto the twin green checked beds
I remember
the final climbing across the sill to sit upon the roof and wait for the alarm to cease
I remember
choosing a bright bold yellow paint-knowing that it wasn't prescribed
I remember
swallowing hard and watching the order for wallpaper go onto the invoice form
I remember
turning sideways in my bed-letting my eyes cross to blur the never ending repetition
I remember
the stiff square shape of constructed bedspread
I remember
my children cuddling under their 20 years loosened spread form
I remember
holding the grey drenched windowsill as my mom slipped new tights up my weak legs
I remember
staring out moisture drenched plastic through sweat-sticky locks of blond at passing white capped pity smiles
I remember
peasant bread rolls and cubes of swiss cheese
I remember
cookies lined in sentry to be sold one by one
I remember
mexican music floating form the open door. rack-lined lobby. my children pumping rolls into bags. arguing over who could move most quickly
I remember
finding my best friend in the bleachers
I remember
john casting. walking as his pipe hung from his lips. stopping at the end of the driveway to say a daily hello
I remember
lying on the plastic fold out couch as my son reacted to pain in his dreamful sleep
I remember
iris. jolting a daily walk past the front yard.
I remember
french
I remember
illegal immigrants
I remember
white suits, loud shouts, club bonding
I remember
virginia
I remember
palmiers
I remember
rejection
I remember
feeling it was all about me
I remember
espresso bitter on my tongue
I remember
standing in the stadium with teenage obstruction
I remember
embarrassed retreat as over emphasized disdain was expressed
I remember
mute confused silence in my head
I remember
red curse filled arrows hitting filling in the hollow
I remember
purple circles ascribed as not so bad
I remember
employees turned away in ashamed pity-filled busyness
I remember
feeling an attractive energy that had never existed before
I remember
exploring my desires and desirability
I remember
signing the papers all by myself
I remember
opening boxes all alone
I remember
putting things just where I wanted to find them
I remember
painting fuchsia passionately
I remember
being pressed against hallway wall
I remember
the cheap red skirted tables
I remember
my hair frizzing to misty february air
I remember
smelt catching pier dwellers
I remember
the second walk
I remember
anger emanating as he spoke at the bar
I remember
my interest in who he could be outweighing my intuition of who he was
I remember
my disgust
I remember
his lack of growth acceptance
I remember
the pain of lost hope
I remember
amazement in unceasing discovery
I remember
fulfilled gifting
I remember
disappeared loneliness
I remember
trust faith belief joy

in love. trish.