tired of chaff

What have you done lately that made you stretch?
That took you outside of your comfort zone?
There've been big things for me:
Giving birth: Creating a slew of new bodies to inhabit this earth and become the next generation~
Starting EncaustiKits: Opening myself up to the work of this, the unknown of this, the blessing of this. And whats more, the potential failure of this~
Building EncaustiCamp: To commit to inspire and enliven multitudes, and offer opportunity to dozens of others, through art~

But I'm looking at the little things right now.
Taking a new route to work.
Shopping at a different grocery store.
Sitting in a new seat on the bus.

Or, in my case, walking to the grocery store in Galveston rather than driving.

As I contemplate this choice I made, I am rolling around the idea that it might be bigger, more impact-full, than the big things; than the giving birth and starting a business.

Hear me out~

You see, I was embarrassed.
I took my four plastic grocery bags from the conveyer belt check-out and walked through the double doors into the Galveston sunshine.
Its blast was just like a spotlight~

I am certain every car passing by on the outside of that cocoon of grocery store safety had multiple pairs of eyes staring me down in disgusted and condemning judgement.

Can't you just feel them all?!
Laughing.
Jeering.
Pointing and shoulder bumping their seat mates to 'look at that woman!'
I was certain I was just moments away from being labeled a bag lady.....

Oh, for crikies sake~

Yes, I very quickly disengaged myself from myself and knew that no one,
not a one,
was looking at me.

Their stories, even the moment of driving the next block they were engaged in,
was far more important and focused than my walking by.
Carrying grocery sacks or not.

What a reminder.
I am not that important.

Don't get me wrong-I'm not minimizing my purpose as an individual.
I am actually doing just the opposite.
I am inflating my God given purpose.

Let me explain~
In minimizing self-that part of me that 'saw' everyone looking at me,
I am inflating, taking note of, bringing attention to, my me.

My walk to the grocery store and the decision to carry my bags along a 1/2 mile stretch of a busy, tourist street impacts my me (my spirit-my soul-that me)

 making me stronger...

(have you seen my biceps?!:)

Me am stronger. ( improper English is intentional-don't call and correct me mom!)

To face the voice the next time I am in front of a crowd
whose eyes are truly trained on me
     (unlike the passing commuters on the Galveston road)
with the same perspective this walk has afforded me:
That I (my self) just doesn't matter.
Even if people do take a glance and 'see' my self,
the judgement that may pass through them doesn't matter.

What does matter is the impact me has on them.

And me is not found in my walk on a Galveston street.

Me is found in my walk through my weaknesses, my steps into my strengths, and my footprints in the sand as I plant another forward foot.

Despite fears.
Despite doubts.
Despite judgement.

And the sharing and impacting that occur because I do so.

I'm carrying my groceries on a busy Galveston street.
And me is quite happy about this~

in love. trish.
worth a good listen: http://media.willowcreek.org/weekend/awake-my-soul/#content