'Chose trust again and again. Each time a fierce wind blows; again and again.'
I'm not asserting that I'm standing in a fierce wind; I know there are those who would liken my buffeting to a gentle breeze compared to the hurricane in which they stand bracingly. And, it's not as if I can't manage; that I am not feeling assured that I have the way to make it through. But...
My heart rate has increased. My name is called once, twice, three times before I pull back to hereandnow to realize someone is seeking my attention. I catch my brow furrowing as I splash wax. My every thought steers towards the how, where, why and what-now as the air currents blow my hair back and swirl my skirt around my knees.
My fierce wind may be less mighty but is just as poignantly real.
I wonder what God is going to do in and through me in this 'didn't plan on this' billowing gust....
I am in a creation time. Perhaps that is obvious to you; I've just gotten married, grown my family from just patrick and I at home to patrick, john, hannah and I at home.
Every square inch of my home is now our home.
It feels good. Quite good. One month in and it feels very, very good.
But I refer to a different 'creation time'.
Okay, you say. You are new to this 'Christian' mold. You are creating a life that reflects and glows with the spirit and heart of Christ. This is the 'creation time'.
Most definitely! What a blessed ride!
But no. This is still a different 'creation time'.
Alright, you guess. It's the schedule you are keeping. The development of a financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually viable and valid career.
Oh yes, this is true! I am creating a new way of working and a whole new mindset of what 'job' and 'providing' and 'survival' are all about.
But it is yet a different 'creation time'.
I apologize; I am being evasive! Keeping you on edge; not able to confess exactly what this is all about but wanting to share what it is doing in me while creation time is happening (No! I'm not pregnant!:)
The beauty of this new creating is that I recognize the direct path it took to come to me from God.
Have you had that in your life? An undeniable conviction of God providing something that you know is uniquely given? We each have it; that something that is exclusive to our person. I think we have lots of small somethings that come to light along the way in our lives. If we are in tune enough to see them as they come to us, we are walking more wholly on our unique path and more swiftly in the way designed for us.
This particular something has me walking more upright and joyous than ever before; I suppose it helps, and is no happenstance!, that it occurs simultaneously with the creation of my marriage. The joy of this creation is multiplied by the thrill of someone to share in the ride:)
But in this new creation there comes, and is coming, a buffeting wind: Sometimes a light breeze, sometimes a beach towel-tossing gust. And now, more of a shingle-stripping, roof-repairs-needed blow. I am finding amusement in it; not HAHA amusement, but Huh, this could be interesting amusement :)
Although it may not look like it to those who must face me on a daily basis, I am truly goosebumpy-joy-filled-excited by this challenging gust! (To cry in frustration and almost stomp ones' foot with a feeling of inadequacy is not a convincing conviction response!) As I write that I smile; seeing the undeniable mystery of it. The person I was just a year ago could never have asserted such a thing! She would've stopped at the crying and stayed right there...
Who is this creature I've become and how has she come to be?! To say I welcome a hair-messing, skirt-flying swell?! Crazy....
How do I see the sunlight through this shingle-ripping storm? Simple. He's provided so much so far; God's grace promises this in the choices I've made. Just that. Nothing more.
Even in this challenge he is working, and I will write in a week, a month, a year, of the amazing blessing that came to be on the other side of persevering through the winds.
And to those who face me daily and are, by proximity, hit by the edge of this storm: Who look in my eyes and see only the mulling over without having sight through to the smiling conviction and yet, continue to hug me with an 'it's all good' conviction of their own: Who hesitate to ask me to contemplate their needs when they only see my focused neglect of everything other than this...thank you with the passionate gratitude of hearty love. It is with you that this ride is even possible. in love. trish