Brian's football banquet was last Tuesday night. I got report of it the next morning via a text. Hurray and congratulations are in order as he lettered-and even more wonderful, was awarded 'most improved player' by his peers. What a blessing~
I will extol the greatness of this achievement to him when I call this weekend. He will poo poo it and make it seem it is no big deal. But it is~he moved to Michigan with the primary intent of growing his football career so that it might take him to MSU-maybe even on a scholarship ride. So, he is doing amazing things. And he deserves the kudos coming his way! So, kudos my baby! Enjoy the spot light and keep up the great work :)
And to me? All you mothers out there, can you feel what this did to me? Bittersweet, aching heart, fighting back tears of pride and longing. Yea, something like that......!
I never made it out to a game; life just happens sometimes. I don't have any anxiety or disappointment in this~I got to see some great photos-thanks to Daniel!-and heard the results of the game each weekend. I trust that he is thriving in his life there due to these achievements and recognitions-that and the grades I get updates on via teachers' emails! :) Yet, sometimes that's a lot of trust for a mom to put out there and rely on solely. I get caught in the pain of it and feel myself gripping and clenching the ache for him when events like the banquet occur. It can hold me for hours; sometimes for days. This one kept me clenched for a day. Okay, a day and a half. :) I think I've let it go completely now, but boy it socked me at the onset!
Bottom line though, I let it go. Did I just resign myself to it and say 'oh well that's how it goes' and move on? Did I lie in bed and feel sorry for myself over what I have lost in this? Did I weep in anguish from the heart pain of wanting to hold him?! (okay, I did a bit of that :)
No. I relaxed. I turned to listen~To my heart. To my soul. To my insticts. No more listening to my mind. It is the evil stepsister of joy and happiness! I went quiet and listened; gave thanks for what I have, sent praise up for all that the boys are achieving, looked for the lesson and the grace of accepting things just as they are. Life moves much more easily when I get quiet and listen this way, I've found. I can not control what comes and goes; what happens and doesn't happen-not in my life and most assuredly not in my children's lives. I guess you can see that while I definitely have feelings of loss, pain and still sometimes want to grippingly control things, in the end (and thankfully each 'end' comes more and more rapidly now a days!) I can let these feelings go and rest in the peace of knowing someone better, much, much better, is taking care of my children. Is taking care of me. Is setting the stage and building the foundation for things beyond today and today's pain. I can let it go and trust, love and jump into life~and have faith that my children are jumping in as well. in love. trish.