I made a wish a few days ago. Just a little one; an off the cuff, 'wish I could have'- kind of wish.
It was sent out differently than it would've been just three years ago.
It was sent with intention~
with noteably, truly asking for and seeking after belief in the receipt of~
It was different.
What would've gone off as a longing
or a desire
or a craving
just a few years ago
now was sent as a believed-for prayer~
an intentional request as part of an ongoing conversation I'd been having with God as I drove the brand-new-to-me streets of Phoenix on my way to ArtUnraveled.
I hear echoes of what would've been my own thoughts in this statement just a few short years ago: the scoffing, the muttering, the inability to accept or identify with this intangible, blind faith.
that's okay. I get that. I've been there. Quite frankly, I cannot believe I am not still there.
That in itself is a whole other story of God's amazing grace.
But I'm in this just little,
prayer answered right now.
I wanted flowers.
I most often feel wasteful when I receive a bouquet; realizing they will be wilted and dead in a few short days of standing on my kitchen counter in a growing-stagnant vase of tap water~
but every so often I want to be that girly-girl and get flowers from her man :)
Plus, I was feeling a bit fragile-entering into this second to last 'big box' art retreat venue. After teaching now for over 10 years and making a living at it for the past two, I still begin in apprehension and doubt and a bit of fear.
But I suppose, it keeps me on edge~
and that edge is a good place to be; it's alive~
again, another story.....
Yet, this edge was a bit different. Peppered with more angst was this before-I-begin apprehension.
I'd determinted at the beginning of 2011 that this would be my last year for the big box; knowing that my spirit and direction was leaning into finding and living in a more meaningful place of connection and depth in instructing and inspiring. Venues where I could invest more deliberately into the individual creativity and connection of each participant rather than the hurried, mere three or six hour buffet of instruction.
These big box hold great value for introducing and enlivening participants to grow their seed of creativity; they hold a valuable and necessary place in the art and craft world. But I think I've had my run at them and there is a different path I am meant to begin to pursue~
So, I nosed-ahead into this second to last big box feeling a bit weary; in the waiting, in the anticipation, in the unknown thrill of risking and trusting~
And I wanted a feel-good warm fuzzy to diminish this rising apprehension.
So I conversed with God about how nice it would feel to be given flowers.
Nothing specific. No timeframe in mind. Just something beautiful and fragrant and given to me intentionally.
A little something that would make me feel appreciated. How silly again. To need to be felt appreciated~
how hard it is to write and admit to this need in this modern world of self sufficiency and independence!
Oh to be torn between wanting and standing strong :)
Is there a woman who doesn't fight this dycotomy?!
I played the vision of it out as perhaps returning home and having John choose a bouquet of local buds for me as we strolled the farmers market the following Thursday.
Or even, (it could happen?!) my Patrick coming in from time roaming with friends and pushing forward a bundle of stems he'd plucked for me in his exploration~
I did not even fathom what was to come~
Making my usual stops when traveling-Trader Joes for essentials, hardware store for propane tank and shellac (TSA doesn't like to find these in my bags....), local grocery for vitamin water as I try to ween myself off of diet Pepsi....I was stopped by the gregarious, twinkly eyed greeter at the Fry's Marketplace.
I could mention here of how I had no intention of stopping in at Fry's; that I'd never been to this market before and truly had all I needed from the other stops.
But it was just across from Trader Joe's and I was intrigued; and had time to kill. So I made the extra stop.
Go ahead; scoff again-nothing happens for nothing :)
I thought only WalMart was known for these octegenarian guideposts-but alas the idea seems to have spread and upon departing he called out~
I ignored his first prompt of 'ma'am?' and kept walking with the crowd of other departing shoppers not really registering his focus on me
until the second, 'ma'am?'
as I turned with several other bag toters
he reached forward with a single red rose and said,
'can I give you a flower?'
I tear up even now in the days-later writing of the experience.
I'm certain he must've thought me a bit off; perhaps entirely off.
It was all I could do to not break down in tears of wonder and delight and hug this angel for God's gracious attention.
Just this simple. Just this rich. Just this good.
God does that. God did this.
He reached down into my little, mundane to do list, amidst all of the world's comings and goings, and connected me to another....
answered my little,
truly silly, prayer.
And the result was so much more.
Not just a flower in my water bottle to keep me company the week-long in Phoenix as I ticked off the near final days of these retreats
and grasp faithfully for the anticipation of the unknown redesign of my make-a-living life~
He gave me hope.
Gave me strength.
Gave me assurance.
I am on the right path. He is with me. I will not fail.
God does that. God did this.
You can think otherwise; that's free will-God has given that as well.
But I need no greater proof.
This small miracle is enough.
And yet, in anticipation, I await another~
Because he is this good.
He promised this.
I choose to follow his will alone~and I win.
All the blessings and miracles and gifts he has at his disposal.
You can write it off an happenstance;
just a lucky day.
That would be easy to do and so acceptable in this world.
But I know better.
Exceedingly and abundantly~
Thank God; there is no other way.
And, if in this small desire of my heart,
think what he is working in the big spirit wishes that sing to me everyday!
Hang out with me for awhile;
I dare you.
See what God has working in me, and decide for yourself.
What've you got to lose?
in love. trish