BE.free

What does this mean-'free'? I've had a shirt with this statement emblazoned across it for several years now. When I first began wearing it the meaning of 'free' was very different than it is now. Then it stood for the breaking free from the binds of a debilitating, soul-sucking marriage. I wore it proudly, like a peacock in full regalia, displaying my new found self discovery and unshackling.

Life lessons tumbled from this frenzied narcotic state of blissful new freedom and eventually the roller coaster began to level off. 'Free' was more identifiable in the meandering paths between amusement rides. To be free at this time meant I was able to buy a house; in my name alone. Eat meals when I chose. Go out of a Friday night with girlfriends if the mood struck me. To pile books on the 'other' side of the newly purchased comforter. Use both bathroom sinks interchangeably and wake up at 3am to drink coffee in bed with my journal-undisturbed.
Three years out, a little worn and faded, but still strongly proclaiming 'BE.free', this tshirt still gets regularly worn with pride. But now, a gentle honesty replaces that frenzied unshackling of its first days. The amusement ride of this phase of freedom is everlasting. It is not the roller coaster but the water ride. It twists and turns through pools and into hidden coves you are unaware of at the onset. Yet, you know you're safe in the controllers care for he holds the necessary knowledge and skill for this task. With excitement building you come through to the end of the ride to indulge in the joy of a trip well taken.
This 'free' is of trusting. This free is of believing, releasing grip, surrendering and having faith. This 'free' is where it's at and the ride I'm on for the duration. I've repunched my ticket and I get to stay seated for a good long time. in love. trish.