My old self has gone into desperate shock and my new self is reeling under the dead weight....
I'm sitting in the Lexington, Kentucky airport at 3:05pm est on Labor Day. I've spent the past three days touring horse country with John, the previous five intensely shooting the photos for the next book due out in the fall of 2011, and the three days before that in Chesterton, Indiana teaching a workshop and catching up with my guys come down from Michigan in the moments in between. Whew. This is me?! This is my life?! This is the living that belongs to the scattered, frenzy-brained girl of just three years ago who couldn't discern a clear future nor what passion or profession would get her there?! Wow. What a turn around.
That old, worn-out, worthless weight of self that is the worry, fear and desperation of unknown and ungrounded is hanging on like a child clinging to its mother's leg on the first day of preschool; my old self cries a mournful wail when the tides run high or the motion gets too rocky in this new-life living.
The new self continuously shakes off this clinging-scowling away the fear and desperation and determinately straining the next step forward, and the next, to move further and further away from that clinging old self.
And it's working. By the grace of God, and only by this, the new self is winning the battle with the old and persevering under the pull of worthless past fears, frustrations and desperations. The new me, with bold new understanding and confident, fresh assurance, smiles with ease to the old. Cling all you want; you can do me no harm. I move forward with determination only found in trust and faith.
And I'm off to Oregon twice in the next four weeks; then Colorado, BC and North Carolina....bring it on :) in love. trish