A random babbling on creative spirits-

Random babbling on the creative spirit~painting, sewing, baking, boys, an irresistable God and the next 200 feet~

Saturday, December 19, 2009

when i grow up i want to be....

for years I wanted to be older, and now I am.
margaret atwood

It's my birthday today! I am 43 years old. Or young~I intend to live to 106 so I think I'm still on the 'young' side of life!

I've seen a lot over my years; everyone who's been around for any length of time can say this. I've felt a lot over my years; hopefully anyone who's been around for any length of time will say this! I've learned a lot over my years; unfortunately not enough of the anyone's who've been around for any length of time can say this....

Learning is a personal choice made over the coarse of one's life. It's not about going to school and getting good grades. Or about replacing the toilet without the help of a plumber. Or about following a recipe in order to make a sick cheesecake. I'm talking about the learning that happens only when you've made a dramatic life choice and determined that you were ready to face the repercussions; the learning, of this choice.

Three years ago I made the dramatic life choice to end my 17 year marriage. This was a final decision, coming on the heels of many years of almost decisions. I knew not where the choice would take me. I hadn't a clue what would happen in the legal and financial realm. I was terrified of the consequences that would be coming in my children's lives. But I knew I had to make this life choice. The alternatives were unacceptable. I was choosing to learn.

I failed a few tests. I suffered through moments of completely not getting it. I pulled a few all nighters cramming for the final.
But I also Aced some tests. I also 'got it' a lot of the time. I also came out on the other side of hard work to reap the rewards of my efforts. And I became what I always wanted to be when I grew up; me. Just me. The real, honest, always growing, always trying to fully accept-me. Comfortable, connected, accepted and accepting; me. It feels good to learn. It feels really, really good. I think I'll keep it up for another year. No, another 63 years~Happy Birthday to me :) in love. trish.