frantic quiet

Perhaps this is an oxymoron. Perhaps to be quiet and frantic at the same time is not possible. Yet I am: quietly frantic. Frantically quiet.

Frantic implies a bit of anxiety; angst. I can't deny it, there is an element of this in my days. I'd like to be more precise and call it 'busy' but that distinction is over used and quite frankly, it doesn't carry enough weight. So it is frantic I use-even though the quiet is hit only by moments of this; the rest punctuated by consistent motion. Sometimes forward motion, sometimes the proverbial 'one step back', but motion that keeps things moving along and carries me forward all the same.

I don't feel alone in this quiet and quite frankly I am not. There is Patrick. There is the comforting regularity of the first in the morning phone call from my sister. There are text messages to make me smile. Heart filling music to keep me stalwart. New discoveries and acquaintances creating in me a sense of grounding and peace-replacing old fear and doubt that has been present in this quiet in the past.

Hours, days and sometimes weeks can be like that: quiet. I think of it as a silence as well. The muse is using some of its allotted vacation time and is no longer present to whisper in my ear. God is at the drawing board working over a new discovery for my life. My soul passion has taken a time out to visit the spa and refresh.

I know everyone feels the invasion of them: the quiet silences. Accepting each as a gentle moment~or fearfully approaching them with angst; as often, if not more so, than I. I've come to believe that the quiet is the stretch of flat landing before the next step illuminates. These landings are invaluable and necessary in order to climb at a pace that is designed for ones' self. Each person having shorter or longer landings; deeper or more shallow steps; wider or more narrow stairways.

So I'm on a landing. Being quiet. Working through the business of my art, reading enlightening words that carry my heart and open my soul. Listening to the voice of this soul as it speaks to my doings. Accomplishing much resisted and put off closure. The quiet is helping me recognize the step up ahead and approach it with confidence, recognition and strength.

With hope that I will continue to see all of my next step clearly~in love. trish.