Discontent

Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals. Nobody wants to read the small print in dreams. Ann Landers

The journey will take longer than you hoped.
The obstacles will be more numerous than you believed.
The disappointments will be greater than you expected.
The lows will be lower than you imagined.
The price will be higher than you anticipated.
you must rely on powers outside of yourself to achieve any real dream to any real satisfaction.
But, if the journey continues to inspire and invigorate, the dream is alive and viable and we continue to pursue.

I have trouble staying in one thing for very long. I have marked this a fault for the longest time but in the past few years I am changing my thinking. I am adjusting to my adjusting! I do not consider it a fault any longer, but a blessing. It can be difficult, don't misunderstand; I see a change coming, a pulling away and striving toward, that many would tell me is wrong; that I need to settle in and stay where I'm at. But I disagree. I've been built this way for a purpose. God designed me to continuously, earnestly seek after and I am learning to embrace it amidst my societies scowl~
And now, for a month or more, that niggling in the back of my brain, the tugging of thoughts that I try to ignore, the play by play running in my head in the foggy distance is growing nearer, clearer, more dominate; threatening to overtake my place and shove me smack dab into unknown;into seemingly ill-prepared and as always, the tremenously afraid-albeit in the excited way.
I can see it coming~it's been sneeking up on me for the better part of a year, lurking on the fringes, trying to slip through an ill-forgotten open door to my consciousness amidst my current, distracted discontent. Not that I'm living in a discontented day mind you! It's just been a passing, distant shadow, flitting randomly in and out of my consiousness.
And now it's taken a seat; sitting patiently, hands gently clasped, legs casually crossed, in the back seat of the bus-joining me, as if invited, for this current life-ride. It's been there, hanging about, for a year or so....but in the past few months, discontent has moved forward, anticipating the next move, no longer sitting patiently put leaning forward, straining into the aisle, ready to bolt at the open door as soon as I put my foot to the brake and my hand to the lever...but that's the rub. I have to put my foot to the brake before I can put my hand to the lever.
There comes a point in the growning, changing, seeking, finding where you have to stop in order to start. Where you have to cease one to begin the other. Where you have to let go of the bar so that you can reach out and grab the next. I see it there: The next bar.
I feel discontent sitting there-just behind the drivers seat; breathing heavy in anticipation, heart beating rapidly in prepartion for the next move.
I'm frightened by the letting go; I know the next bar is there for me to grab, but I can not tell how solid it is; I can not tell if it is strong enough to hold me, to sustain me as I swing through all it has and propels me on to the next....
Yet the bar I still cling to is growning weak; my hand is hot and aching from the holding on too long. I feel the pads of my palm calousing from the rub of constantly gripping. It is time to swing forward. I will take the chance. I will release the one to grab the next. I will put on the brake and reach my hand to pull the door lever and watch as discontent bolts from the seat and is released from the ride.
I am so close. I see the next stop.
The next bar looms RIGHT THERE in my sights.
But I am not ready.
I do not feel ready.
I am not quite there.
I do not know what it will take. I do not know what is for me to do. I do not know what it will feel like to know that I am ready. And, when I say it here, I realize I do not need to know.
Discontent was put on the bus with the fare in its clenched fist by a loving father.
The next bar was placed with perfect design and determined planning.
I can rest assured that when I must stop, when I must let go, when I must reach out for the next bar, for the door release, I will know it is my time to do so. I have a father looking out for my ultimate success. I have a Lord interested only in my faithful gain. He will not let me fall. He will not let discontent ride beyond it's stop. I will know when and how to release and grasp when and where he has me to do so.~I can't wait to see where this bus is taking me. I can't wait to see where this discontent gets off. In God alone. in love. trish