we can only feel as high as we do low

I struggle with tears today~it doesn't happen often, although it may appear I've spent the entire summer in this state! Truly, I've come to live most days in a much more goose bump filled way. But occasionally, today for instance, the tears well. The limbo state of being that has been life with Conner is coming to an end. He has made the choice, really the only choice available to him as he sees it, to begin life anew in Michigan. Unfortunately this means being under the direction and control of his father. That in and of itself is not the main rub.

It is more so the fact of his still persistent requirement of others to propel him forward; to provide the next step for him. He as yet lacks the ability to take the reins of his own destiny and follow his heart. It is in this fact that I struggle with tears and face a bittersweet goodbye once again.

Conner, listen. Listen to the voice of your own soul and find a path true to you. It is in there; it is there for you. You have a gift no one else can open. Find it and follow only where it leads. Go where you must go for now, but begin to listen as well. And believe what you feel; not what you are told. In love. mom.