beeswax burnout

I wrote the following blog entry several months ago, never posting it because I wanted to see where I was going-to follow the burnout thread and see if there really was a tidbit at the end of the trail that would respark my creative energies. I truly do trust in this, as I stated in the post, but a small part of me, an old part albeit, surfaces with just enough force to make me pull back from the assurance every once in a while.
And so? Since this writing I invested in the downtime, teaching extensively, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually listening instead of seeking. I made delicious meals, baked gobs of cookies and painted several rooms :) I got married, assimilated households, and talked to people in my life about life a little more.
The result thus far? I am in Portland having just become invigorated by Crystal Neubauer's wax adornment workshop. I was gifted with new directional inspiration from a trip to Sitka Center. I met a wonderful new friend and have begun to see what God has in store for this meeting. I have partaken of the second book production, survived a UTube shoot and gone full-bore into business development. How? Such tremendous creation, such awesome movement and such amazing blessings! God. He provided. He provides. He set my foot down and I haven't stopped (speed) walking with a huge grin on my face ever since! Is it easy? NO! Is it scary?! YES! Do I sometimes want to pull back to the 'nothing' I was? Perhaps-just a smidge. But I remember, God has put me not necessarily on an easy path, but a safe one. And in this, I trust explicitely. Bank account going to business. House being overrun by creation of kits and ideas. Studio transformed into production rather than creation right now. To some a burden; to me, a blessing and what keeps me grinning like a fool, heart lifting out of my chest and each day proclaiming God's gracious mercy a little more boldly. blessings. in love. trish

I'm resigned: I have full-on, can't deny it, beeswax burnout. A little known ailment that strikes encaustic aficionados who've invested intense back to back blocks of time to pure indulgence in the sweet luscious medium. I've fallen victim.

I should've seen it coming; I've been in the studio by 6am-5 for the past few-working til my stomach growls, grabbing a quick fix, digging back in to the wax....The only time out occurs when other-worldly red haired orbs float outside the studio window and beckon for food and clean clothing~

Truth? I've hardly bothered showering-it would've taken too much time out from the studio!

But then this morning happened-just about 10am, I turned from the wax, gazed over the tables of changing surface and all I could do was sigh in finality. I needed to quit. I needed to raise the white flag and surrender to something else!

The multiple stories that have been born aren't finished, I still have ideas rolling through my brain, I want to invest in my time between teaching with all my energies. But. But my creative spirit is crying uncle! It needs a time out to recharge, reprogram and regroup. This is where my multitasking skills come in handy :) I'll turn to home work, baking, bill paying, bookkeeping. I'll open the cupboards and see what tasty concoction I can create for hungry boys. I'll take magic wand in hand and clear out some of the mess that's come to be since the creative energies began running rampant.

I wont turn on the wax though. It will stay opaque and cold; resting undisturbed in its vat, awaiting a new inspiration.

The first time this happened I was scared: Fearing absolute burnout. A final and complete drying up of the creative juices. Alas, time and experience have been friendly and taught me otherwise. This time is sweet; hitting a beeswax wall has great value. The heart recharges and the soul regroups to bring about better, richer, wholer and more blessed creations to carry the initial frenzied creation to completion. I love this place. Life. in love. trish

Are you proud of yourself?

'This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old is gone; the new has begun.' 2 corinthians 5:17

It is so hard, I think for women especially, to say we are proud of ourselves. There is fear of being judge self righteous, boastful or self promoting. Yet, when one turns the concept a bit, realizes that in God this is the only way; to be proud and walk in confidence his path for oneself, self righteousness, boasting and self promotion are impossible. One's whole life, every breath, becomes a testament to God's grace; a glorification of his mercy~
I believe whole heartedly, for the first time in my life, that grace has found its way through the self-inflicted guilt and lacking that I thought was the Me of me. The above phrase alone did it for me: so simple yet so profound. It turned my thinking around, tossed guilt to the curb and cracked off the hardened shell of the self I had made. Revealing the beautiful empowered grace-filled self that God put on this earth with a purpose. The old is gone and the new has begun and I am so proud of myself. I heard His call to me. I trusted in the direction His voice was sending me; to make a much better Me than even my own wildest dreams could conjur. I took hold of faith in that His grace would accept my broken self and allow me to begin walking His path designed exclusively for me. And boy, now I am proud. Like never before I can say with utmost confidence, that I am proud of who I am. in love! trish

home for 9 days

Home :) Going away makes me appreciate it so much! Here for 9 days after an amazing three day workshop at Sitka Center in Otis, Oregon then driving back down to Portland to indulge in a workshop for myself!, tour a campus, have a business-coffee with a new friend, seek out a new wax supplier, demo at ArtMedia then vend at Art and Soul Saturday night! Whew! So much good stuff on my path; God is glorious :))) in love. trish

degrees, standing, new cars, big house, current fashions....

It's not about who has more stuff, it's about who has God
in love. trish

changing things up~

I have noticed that my gingerfetish is carrying a lot more musings and life explorations than images, new work or creative inspirations! Therefore, a change is in the air (it's fall, the seasons are changing, so why not the blog posts as well!?)
Starting in October I will continue to use Gingerfetish as my platform for introspective growth, exploration and sharing through stories, life lessons and musing. My new blog, www.encaustikits.blogspot.com will carry all the other good stuff: New work, workshop inspirations, site updates and new merchandise releases! So, I'm going for a split personality :) Find me at www.gingerfetish.blogspot.com and at www.encaustikits.blogspot.com! Both me, just a venue for all of me now! best and blessings~ and both in love. trish

why do we always have to 'do'?!

I started with earnest determination; I would make it work and I would bring about peaceful coexistence. I would DO all that I was asked to do!
I continued in earnestness-resulting in only the flitting of my minutes away in flustered brain thoughts flying here and there yet never landing and never coming to be.
I earnestly-frantically- returned again and again to this resolve to do it right-increasing my tension and reinforced the wall in coexistence.
Then I gave up.
I went to bed.
I slept fitfully.
I dreamt deeply.

I woke up.
I looked back and saw that He wasn't asking me to DO anything.
That He wasn't expecting me to act, or do or make happen. He was asking me to do nothing. He was telling me to shut up and be still :)
It was not a day, an experience, for me. It was for her. And I had to do nothing.

I want to listen next time instead of keeping on talking.....in love. trish.

now find it

each disciple should check within themselves to see if they have a low-burning pilot light or a blazing fire.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf5WYigZHME

So what of this life right now? What of this moment by moment living we are called to walk in? Is it enough to simply have this confidence of life eternal and coast through the days here on earth until we reach the end of the ride and get off in the heaven we've been promised? Is that what we're here for? Is this enough for the souls, hearts and bodies designed in the likeness of the one who created all? Is this enough of an experience to shine this love that out shines all love?
Coasting can be so boring. Coasting can be safe and comfortable and feel secure, but it is oh so not enough. Turn up the heat; ignite the pilot light and come along~

Coasting may lead to the same end; we will all meet at the exit gate. But the ride is hardly enlivening or exciting neither is it anything we are well equiped to experience. It does not carry any depth of connection, growth or wisdom. It can offer no passing-along of love and life; it affords us not a bit of the sharing we've been designed to live in.
We need, nay are designed to go after, the ride! We are here to experience the ins and out, ups and downs, turns and straightaways that this ride provides. The heights are needed-craved after-even, in spite of the fact that, the climb feels crippling and the descent all pervading. Oh those heights are affirming and convicting! Yet, only because the descent is so wisdom-filled and self actualizing. We just can't have the one without the other. And this is why some choose to simply remain in the confidence of eternal and sit alongside the ride watching and waiting. But this is not enough. Not for anyone who has been called and is truly listening. When you choose to live in and accept this reality, the descents and the climbs are welcome-even anticipated and relished-albeit painfully and with resistance. Why? How you ask? Because the wisdom is so good. Oh so good. Better than the best of anything you have touched or felt or spoken or heard. Even in the depths of the descent, even in the weary, often tear-filled, straining of the climb, the wisdom shines bright and bold-righteously carrying us to that great height. Even in the knowing that there will be another dip; another descent; another climb, we welcome each and every bit of the experience because the height is so good that the depth becomes just as much a joy and treasure and peak we will not wish away or pray deliverance from. The one begins to shine bright on the other and all of this life, all of this living and doing mesh together and point back to the all and all that is the salvation we sought. Not just in eternity, but here. and now. life is now. life is forever. life is living. He made it so. We live it so. That good. Find it. in love. trish