one year

A friend recently posted this video to her Facebook wall. She's been going through one very difficult time just a few years into her new marriage.

It gave me pause.
A beautiful song.
But put into the context of this friends posting of it, and its association to the state of her marriage, made me terribly sad.
And weary.
And anxious.
What does it take to hold on anymore? What is that certain something that takes a person, a couple, to the end of the line-still holding hands, warmly, fondly, deeply smiling into the memories of life shared?

Today is my one year anniversary. John Tod Govaert and Patricia Marie Baldwin were married one year ago today.

A year's worth of stories could be penned here; stories of moving in together. of melting two household's into one. stories of my youngest adjusting. of his daughter choosing to live elsewhere after ten years of being daddies one and only. of my heavy travel schedule. of his dad dying. of our connection to God. of my church becoming our church.
It's been a ride. And wow, already one year.
But I am leaving all that alone.
I am going elsewhere for this story.
I am looking to the future from the standpoint of this second time around, second chance at love, second commitment of trust. And I start from a place of brokeness; a friends struggle...and step into defeat.

I'd like to believe that John and I have found the magic ingredient that will hold us together. That because of it you'll see our smiling, albeit wrinkled! faces shining out from the black and white pages of the Sunday 'celebrations' section of the newspaper in 49 years (50th anniversary, get it?!)
But it's not quite that; a magic ingredient.
And we are not exclusive to the potential success. My friend and her husband share the same odds.
What we have though, outweighs odds.
oversteps any magic ingredient.
supercedes all effort and will of our own.
I admit to it being born of maturity. and life experience. and truly, of getting it wrong the first time. all those things had to come before, in order to come to this place now.
for both of us.
I think each of us could've struggled on to the finish line in our previous relationship-finishing with that image in the newspaper. Yet, lacking the genuine, deeply passionate and joyous smile.
It is possible to plod on and get to the end.
It's just not pretty.
and not what God intended.
So to have gotten it wrong, and to be given the chance to grow up and grow right together, is a blessing. A gift unexpected. Truly grace living every day.

So what is it, you ask, that gives us this advantage? This opportunity to smile the genuine, joy-filled smile over the hard won, 'say cheese' induced grin that would've otherwise been the finish?

first we chose God.

then we let God choose for us.
God. Grace. Faith.
and ultimately, release.
resignation.
resolve.
to give not only our relationship, but our individual lives and the daily, nay moment-ly!, doing of these lives to the control of someone other than ourselves.
we won love as a result. the real, joyous, trusting and deeply grounded love you see in the few and far between wrinkled faces in your Sunday morning paper. We won. and we're gonna keep on winning. grace.

in love. for 49 more years. trish.

etsy link!

so i've just jumped onto the etsy bandwagon and I admit to being a junkie! Check out my work, tell me what you think, and please, pass it on! And, it you are a long time etsy user, give me tips to maximize my delight in this venue?! Loving it so far....just to have the work 'out there'! in love. trish
http://www.etsy.com/shop/pbsartist

boho bliss

I am the grateful owner of a beautiful pair of new earrings! without boring you with all of the ideocycrasies that allowed these to come into my possession, I'll just do a quick share this morning through photos. And tell you, hook into artist Deryn Mentock's work http://somethingsublime.typepad.com/-you will be as boho blissfully blessed as I :) in love. trish.

etsy

I did something I've been resistant to do for many years; I started an etsy shop. Actually, I restarted an etsy shop.
In 2009, trying to figure out where/how/when/why I existed in this art world (for the dozenth time!), I posted a few images to an etsy account then quickly let it go delinquent as I struggled with self identity and the presumed need to put oneself out there in order to make a way of this art life.
Two years later:
Find me excitedly, expectantly, joyfully posting a collection, one by one, day by day as they develop, to the previously debunk etsy site.
Why you ask? What has made for the change of heart?
I found self worth.

Okay, a catch phrase; a psychoanalysis; a socially acceptable way of saying 'I want to show off'!
Truly though, it's true!
Not the self worth that's born of a bloated sense of self. But a self worth that's born of the realization that I, me, little toe-head Trish who got teased for missing the softball repeatedly in 4th grade PE, I have treasure!
Not just a gift; not just a pretty package; a treasure!
A storehouse of goodness that's bursting at the seams; that's lived and breathed and been seeking a way out-a path to be shared with the world-for years!
Not me, no. Not me; this treasure in me.
What a wow.
Turning the years of self recrimation into humble thanksgiving does this; opens the floodgates of grace and turns one onto the reality of life.
The REALITY of life!
I'm on it. I'm in it.
A book could be written on how I came to have this lack of self worth; a sense of worthlessness outweighing the passion that drove me to continue 'tinkering' in this 'hobby' of art.

But so could anyone reading say that of their life.
We all have our past and we all have our present. Thank God almightly that we all also have our future.
Nothing less could've brought me to this place of willful sharing. Nothing else could've.
This is not something I have in me, I created in me, I grew in me. It is simply born in me to be lived out. I serve as an instrument. Not as a puppet on a string, but as a willful, passionate, eager attendant to the 'to do' list of the life that is so much bigger than myself.
And as I realize this willfullness, this eagerness, and live in it, I find myself exploding!, bursting!, flowing unstoppably! the amazing treasure stored up in me. So deliciously delighted to have God's grace overflowing from my fingertips~
I get to share!
I get to inspire!
I get to boldly post with delicious anticipation of whatever is to come!
I get to awake to attend to another item on the 'to do' list of one so much greater than myself. And know~
and know! that it is going to be so good!
come visit. often. :)
come see what silliness, what beauty, what joy, what passion He chooses me!, little old me!, to tackle his to do list through. in love. trish
grace: unmerited and undeserved generosity.